I’ve been going through a lot of stuff in my personal and spiritual life. Although I am a motivational speaker and mentor to others, it doesn’t make me perfect. I am still “work in progress” and every day I learn more and more about myself. For the longest time, I hid behind the color black because I never felt good enough. I had my achievements, I found my passion but I never found me. It’s a journey that I can never stop talking about because it’s so personal and so emotional. We all have our own insecurities but I never really knew how deep my scars were until I started wondering why I was always feeling so different. I go out and speak to others about the importance of love, communication, empowerment, higher education and most of all, to love yourself….but what I didn’t realize was that I was speaking to myself. It’s funny how things work. I thought I was at my strongest, but yet the truth was, I was at my weakest point of my life. I strived so hard to be a good role model because I never wanted anyone to feel or go through what I went through. When you are being told you are something for so long, you start believing that’s who you are. Let me tell you, it wasn’t a positive thing. I wasn’t strong enough and I allowed it to affect me in a way that I couldn’t even understand it myself. I asked myself why do I push these young girls so much to strive for success? Why do I care so much that these girls learn to stand up for themselves? Why do I care so much that they are independent and never feel like they have to wait on someone else? I was so passionate about being a big sister and motivating them to be the best that they can be. What I realized that I was fighting so hard for them because if I knew they were good, then I would be too. I was trying to heal through my own hurt.
Well, today I can honestly say that I am a new person. I am proud, I stand tall and I can finally tell myself that I am beautiful and … actually believe it. I have found the one thing that has truly confirmed who I am supposed to be. I found God. I know this blog is not about religion or god, but because this is my personal experience, I feel the need to express how different I am today. I am no longer lost nor am I going to hide anymore. I am no longer living in fear and I am no longer blaming others for my own sadness or insecurities. I am taking my life back and I am setting myself free for me in respect to my god, my creator who had sent his only son to die for me… for me!(John 3:16)because he loves me so much. Why did I spend so much time dwelling on how society thought of me and why did I lose focus on how god created me? I now know that I am created in reflection of him and he is perfect. It never dawned to me that all these years, I’ve been insulting my god for “not spending” enough time on creating me to be better. I always felt that I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t tall enough, I wasn’t skinny enough…. The list goes on….. But my point is, I am free…. I am at peace and I have accepted all my faults and I take responsibility for all my actions. I blamed everyone but myself. I was so unhappy but no one knew about it because I’m great at hiding it. I have forgiven myself and I have forgiven thouse who didn't know any better that bullied and hurt me becuase they too were hurt.
I am so blessed that although I was personally struggling, I was still strong enough to push and motivate the ones who were even more lost and now, I get to witness how they've persevered, succeeded in life, graduated from under grad and grad school, yet still looking up to me today as they’ve become Doctors and very important people in our society. I was using them to heal my own soul and its truly helped me understand myself and why I was hurting so much. However only through god, I have learned to forgive myself, everyone that I had blamed and to love…to really really love, as he truly loves me. When I say, I’ve been through struggles of my own, I can write a novel about it but I won’t bombard you with it in one blog…. I am feeling extra good today because I had an amazing worship rehearsal last night (song practice)and the meaning behind the music and the lyrics are still lingering in my heart today. I can't wait to sing it at church in two weeks!
I am so blessed that although I was personally struggling, I was still strong enough to push and motivate the ones who were even more lost and now, I get to witness how they've persevered, succeeded in life, graduated from under grad and grad school, yet still looking up to me today as they’ve become Doctors and very important people in our society. I was using them to heal my own soul and its truly helped me understand myself and why I was hurting so much. However only through god, I have learned to forgive myself, everyone that I had blamed and to love…to really really love, as he truly loves me. When I say, I’ve been through struggles of my own, I can write a novel about it but I won’t bombard you with it in one blog…. I am feeling extra good today because I had an amazing worship rehearsal last night (song practice)and the meaning behind the music and the lyrics are still lingering in my heart today. I can't wait to sing it at church in two weeks!
I know Fashion is my passion, but I am dedicated to use it to help others find themselves. I’ve never had so many colors in my closet before and even my closest friends see the difference in me and my spirit.I am so proud of where I’ve come and I am so proud of who I am today. I look forward to what comes next and what god has planned for me. I truly want to use my passion to affect and make changes in other people’s lives and hopefully it’ll help them find their own passion as well. We need to feed our soul and if its empty, we will forever be empty.
My friends, if you are happy with yourself, then bravo… I am proud of you. For those who were or are lost, know that I see you. I know where you are coming from. I also want you to know that there’s always, always a way out, so never ever give up on yourself. You are too special and too precious to be nothing but the best. If I ever get a chance to meet with any of you, I hope to be a strong influence and someone you can look up to too. If you see me, please come up and say hi because I'd love to meet you. I am all about change, motivation and inspiration…I always have been and even more now because I truly am my own example. I’ve walked the walk and now I can finally talk the talk!
My friends, if you are happy with yourself, then bravo… I am proud of you. For those who were or are lost, know that I see you. I know where you are coming from. I also want you to know that there’s always, always a way out, so never ever give up on yourself. You are too special and too precious to be nothing but the best. If I ever get a chance to meet with any of you, I hope to be a strong influence and someone you can look up to too. If you see me, please come up and say hi because I'd love to meet you. I am all about change, motivation and inspiration…I always have been and even more now because I truly am my own example. I’ve walked the walk and now I can finally talk the talk!
Today, I am free….. and I love myself because my god loves me! If you are lost, I want you to set yourself free and feel as good as I feel today.
I didn’t give up on myself and I never want you to either. Let’s do this together! I know I still lots of work to do, but I am so excited to see where this takes me........
"Nothing is Impossible, because the word itself saids I'm Possible"
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